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The Last Meal (A humorous skit from a series called "Brief Encounters") By Hal Wickliffe Copyright 2000 Hal Wickliffe

A skit about requests about the last meal by a death row inmate.

At The Kenton State Penitentiary, inmate Spike Larson is visited in his cell on death row by Warden John E. Mathews. The popular warden has come this morning to ask Spike what he would like for his final meal before being executed the following day.   WARDEN: (CORDIALLY)Good morning, Spike. As you know, tonight will be your very last meal. And according to our state law, your last meal can be extra special ... whatever you wish. Now is there anything extra special that our chefs can prepare? I understand you're crazy about pizza. Can we cook your favorite pizza pie along with a large glass of cold beer? SPIKE: No, not really. For my last meal, I'd like something just a little different. Besides, we just had pizza last week. WARDEN: (POLITELY) I understand. Well, whatever you wish, Spike. We're here to please. Then how about some nice fried chicken with baked potatoes and fresh string beans? SPIKE: That sounds good, but let me just think a minute. WARDEN: Of course. Take your time. Paul, our head chef, is right here. Tell him exactly what you want. He’ll write it down and it's all yours. Complements of the state. SPIKE: Let me see. I know. Could I start off with a salad? WARDEN: (AGREEABLY) Why not! Maybe something like a fruit cocktail? SPIKE: Not exactly. What I would really like is organic baby field green salad with a cucumber. WARDEN: (RATHER STUNNED) A baby field green salad with a cucumber SPIKE: But it's got to be organic. WARDEN: (WEARILY) It's got to be organic. (AND FROM NOW ON, THE WARDEN GROWS STEADILY WEARIER WITH SPIKE'S UNUSUAL REQUEST) SPIKE: Also, with this salad, I want some carrot curls and garlic croutons that are tossed with a Balsamic Vinaigrette. WARDEN: (PUZZLEDLY Carrot curls? SPIKE: Plus the garlic croutons that are tossed with a Balsamic Vinaigrette. WARDEN: Hmm. SPIKE: Now for my entree. What I'd really love is Chicken Marsala. WARDEN: (PUZZLEDLY) Chicken marsala? What the devil is that? SPIKE: It's pan sauteed breast of chicken in a Marsala wine mushroom sauce with sauteed spinach and smashed new new potatoes. WARDEN: I see. (SCRATCHING HIS HEAD) SPIKE: But I insist that the potatoes are new and thoroughly smashed! WARDEN: (TURNS GLUMLY TO CHEF PAUL) You got that. He wants them thoroughly smashed. SPIKE: That's exactly the way my mother made it. WARDEN: How touching. And what about a beverage. Shall we get you a beer? SPIKE: Wait a minutes! What about my dessert? WARDEN: Oh,dessert. How could I forget. What'll be ... a deep dish of apple pie? SPIKE: No. I'm in the mood for two of my favorites. Can I have two desserts? WARDEN: It's your meal. SPIKE: Good. First I would like tavern bread pudding with war rum caramel sauce. WARDEN: Hmm. SPIKE: And make sure the sauce is warm. WARDEN: Oh, we will ... we will! SPIKE: And for my second dessert, I could go for a nice thick slice of watermellon. PAUL: (PROTESTING) Watermellon? That's impossible! Watermellon is out of season! SPIKE: Alright. So I'll wait.